Friday, October 11, 2013

Day 11 NaBloWriMo - TEH GAY!

It has been an interesting day. I went to a workshop on responding to escalating students. It was a recertification course, because I’d rather sit there for a whole day listening to the boring crap, than let the certificate expire and have to sit through three nights after work for four hours a night to get the certificate again.

I didn’t learn much of anything new, but it was good to get the refresher. And I got to see old friends and new ones as well.

My only regret was coming home and finding out today is national coming out day. That means I missed a few opportunities to shock some folks. Not that shocking people is what national coming out day is about, but at my age, I take my entertainment wherever I can get it. Rocking a few stuffed shirts back on their heels by informing them THEY JUST CAUGHT “TEH GAY” FROM ME would be the most fun than I’ve had in a while.

It’s funny, but I don’t think about it much any more. Coming out, I mean. I’m out. I don’t really make my relationship with Tam a big secret, but I also don’t throw it in anyone’s face, any more than they throw their heterosexual relationship in mine. I treat my EVIL, NASTY SINFUL HOMOSEXUAL RELATIONSHIP as if it was normal. Because to me, it IS normal. Now, anyway. There was a time…way back when I was a judgmental, “believing I’m doing it right” church-going Christian, who was no afraid to cast all gays into the fiery pit of hell, blah, blah, blah.

I think what they say must be true: the harder you fight against it, the better the chances you are one of them.

In case you were wondering, I’m gay. Just in case you were wondering.

Back in the day, I would say, with as much contempt in my voice as I could carry and not get caught, that “God loves the gays, but doesn’t like what they do.”

Oh, bullshit. If everyone was created in the image of god, and god is without flaw, then that means there is absolutely nothing wrong with homosexuality because that isn’t something a creator would just let slip into the recipe without having some kind of clue. And, really, when you’re baking and something bizarre falls into the batter, do you leave it there, or do you try to take it out? Or, if you can’t take it out and continuing on would ruin the entire batch of whatever you’re cookin’, wouldn’t you just start over?

I kind of figure god knew what he was doing when he was dumping shit into the mixing bowl, and if he didn’t think it needed to be fished out then I guess it is because he’s ok with it. EVEN THE SEX PART, BECAUSE THAT’S KIND OF WHAT MAKES US HOMOSEXUALS! IT’S HOW WE PRACTICE “TEH GAY!”

Sorry. My bone of contention is showing, isn’t it? I think I’m cranky because I’m not feeling well AND it took me forever to get the fire going tonight and the house was really cold when I got home. I hate that. I hate it almost as much as being told I’m loved by god even though I’m gay, as long as I don’t have sex.

Um… I like sex with my lover. I plan on having it whenever we’re both feeling well enough to carry on like THE TWISTED HOMOSEXUAL SINNERS FROM HELL that we are. Just so you know, there’s very little twisting going on during our intimate moments. We’re both too out of shape for that kind of stuff. The twisting usually happens afterward, and then we’re twisting off the caps to the Bengay(allmylife) ointment and aspirin bottles.


Oh, and now that you’ve read this blog, YOU PROBABLY HAVE “TEH GAY” so you might want to take something for that, or it could spread to other family members. What I really need to do is figure out how to spread “TEH ACCEPTANCE OF THE WHOLE ENCHILADA” because we are gay and we thank the gods for our sex.

2 comments:

  1. What! You're GAY!!!! OH MY SHIT!!!! Why didn't You tell me before we had SEX!!!!
    Oh wait I think you already did. ;) Oh did I mention that I'm gay too?
    Smootchies, Tam

    ReplyDelete
  2. I think your recipe analogy is probably the best one I've heard yet... Love it. :D

    ReplyDelete

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