Tuesday, May 31, 2011

"Temporary Hiatus"

I’ve tried to keep up with things this spring, but work has managed to get the best of me, so I’ve not been able to do much blogging.

Things are not good at my job, but it’s not just the kids, it’s a couple of the adults that have been making life miserable for a few of us. I’ve been blamed for bringing negativity into the room (everyone else gets my sense of humor, just not the teacher). Even if I simply say I’m looking forward to summer break, she accuses me of being negative.

Another adult in the room is the teacher’s pet, a woman who can get away with not helping out, especially with a couple of the extra high needs kids we have. Believe me, we need all the help we can get, but because she doesn’t want to deal with them, it falls to the only other two who aren’t one-on-ones (me and the new gal). We’re tired.

We’re scarred, bruised, exhausted… and yeah, I guess maybe we ARE a little negative. But we’re not supposed to complain about it. When I said “sometimes it helps to vent” I was told to take my problems to the one causing them and not to anyone else.

Well, I tried that, but the person I took them to called me negative and did nothing about my complaint (or the complaints of the others in the room, because I’m not the only one who notices things).

Last year, I loved my job. This year? Not so much, really.

This year, the noise level in the classroom has reached epic proportions. Many days a week, I go home with my ears ringing and my head throbbing. Even the classrooms across the hall have complained. Across. The. Hall. Brick walls people, brick walls and a hallway separate the classrooms and they can still hear the racket.

We have a screamer who can last two hours before exhausting himself. One of the new paras is also very loud and attempts to counter this noise by being even louder than the screamer. This sets off the student who yells and bangs on furniture, teachers, and occasionally other students, as well as throws computer equipment. This same student will repeatedly hit himself and become terrified and risk having a seizure.

Calming the violent one require restraining him (gently) and whispering in his ear. It can be anything from reciting the alphabet to counting. It doesn’t matter, as long as it’s whispered. Evidently, that distressed someone who accused me of abusing that student. Let me tell you, that is something that has lost me more sleep than anything else. Fortunately, the principal understands and assured me he is not worried about it.

But it bothers me and I worry about it.

Anyway, come late June, school will be out for the summer and I can’t wait. The blog, on the other hand, is going to have to wait. I simply cannot muster the oomph required to come up with a topic or a funny anecdote while my brain is squeezed by such stress.

There have been blog-worthy moments (cat and the paper bag, the Green Expo, kittens in the woodpile, backyard insanity, crazy neighbors…) but getting them from frazzled brain to keyboard has proven to be too much.

Stress wins this round.

I will be back in a few weeks (maybe sooner, if things settle out at work… hahahaha fuck).

Friday, May 6, 2011

Monday Love Texts

I can’t remember exactly what started it, but somehow I managed to get into the habit of sending Monday Love Texts to my children. It might have been a conversation I had with my youngest right after he broke up with his girlfriend. He said something to the effect of missing “those love texts.”

Yeah, I understand what he meant, and this not the same thing, but I think it’s nice to be reminded that you are loved, even by your mother.

That’s why, every Monday…unless I forget and send it on Tuesday (or Sunday) because I get confused, I send love texts.

The content of the messages rarely changes, but neither does the meaning. While that may seem boring, it makes it easier for me to send it out even when I’m busy. Sometimes just remembering to do it takes more brain power than I can muster at the moment, trying to be creative and original at the same time would probably short circuit my poor brain.

“Monday love text. I love you. Have a great week.”

That’s it. That’s what my children get every Monday morning. Oh, sometimes I’ll change things up and tell them I love them AFTER I wish them a great week.

I thought I was being original until I read how Patrick Swayze’s widow always sent him a love text before she got on a plane. After Patrick died, she has continued to send those texts even though a total stranger now has that phone number. She believes everyone should feel loved.

That’s when I started including others in my Monday Love Texts. But here’s the deal, I do not have a “group” on my cell phone where I can just hit a single number and everyone gets a text. For me, that kind of loses the meaning just a bit.

I like to look at the names in my contacts, picturing each person as I add them. Not everyone gets clicked. Sometimes it’s because I’m still getting used to my new phone and miss the name, and sometimes it’s because I’m not sure if they have unlimited texting or if I’m wreaking havoc on their phone budget. Also, I’m not sure if everyone would like to get a message like that from me. However, even if I don’t send one out, I still get to think kind thoughts of each person in my contacts as I scroll through the list.

Feel the love? Hope so, because I’m sending it, even though it’s not Monday. 