Sub From Hell

Things at work are kind of chaotic these days. One of our paras had to quit so she could attend college full time. While we’re all thrilled for her, we’re having a difficult time getting through the day without the extra help. Unfortunately, there aren’t that many subs available to work in our room. There are district subs around, but not that many of them are willing to work with these students.

Their loss…

Of course, that means the ones we do get are a bit… well, they’re either very naïve when they walk in and shell shocked when they leave (and never come back), or they love the class because they think they know more than anyone there.

Like Wednesday…

We are a tight-knit group of extremely capable women who have been running the classroom together for a few years now, so we’re pretty sure we know what we’re doing. Wednesday morning, a fellow walked into our room and made himself right at home, plopping his butt down on the counter and fiddling with his keyring. He asked me how things were going and I said something like, “Oh, just grand.” Come on, it was morning and I had JUST put away my stuff.

He said, and I quote, “Lying is as big a sin as stealing.”

What?

The?

Fuck???

“Then stop stealing my good mood,” I snapped. But that wasn't the worst of his transgressions. I'll get to that later.

He proceeded to spend the rest of the day attempting to prove to us what a wonder he is at all things. He bragged about having multiple degrees (including one in law) but the “only” reason he’s a para is because he couldn’t afford to get his teaching certificate, otherwise he’d be there as a teacher instead of a para.

Oh. Really?

You’d think with all those degrees, he’d be rolling in good jobs and therefore money and that certificate would be in his hands (or on his wall).

He told a VERY long story about some kid who couldn’t walk, talk, feed himself, etc, but was actually a genius who became a computer programmer for Microsoft. It was a loooong story, and during an appropriate moment, I said something about how each of our kids shines at something, hoping he would stop talking. He responded with, “Ok” before going back to his story (repeating anything he thought we may have forgotten in the few seconds it took me to say my bit).

Later that morning, he even went so far as to ask the teacher about her faith! I’m just sorry he didn’t ask me, because I would have been happy to enlighten him. Really, REALLY happy.

Then came that moment when my co-worker said she was very glad I was out of the room with a student. That total ass hat really got on a roll telling a roomful of women that he believes "women are property of their husbands." Oh, yes he did! Evidently every para in there did a quick check to make sure I hadn't overheard that little statement of brain-busting idiocy.

Either that, or they were wishing I had been in there at the time. As it was, later that afternoon when my teacher mentioned she had a witch hat I could borrow, I said (in a rather loud voice) that “Any hat I wear is a witch’s hat, darling.”

The ass-clown didn’t have a whole lot to say to me after that. Too bad it was close to the end of the day, I was kind of itching for a rumble by that time.

There is more! Evidently he's earned quite a reputation around the district for being a talker, braggart, and an insufferable ass.

But, because of his inappropriate comments and behavior (he kept trying to have social conversations with the teacher while she was teaching), he won’t be coming back. We may be desperate for subs in our classroom, but baby, we’re not THAT desperate.