Monday, October 3, 2011

My Smart(ass) Phone

So, it is a fact that my phone hates me. In my family, it is not uncommon for people to receive messages that sound as though an angry goblin has gotten its mitts on my phone and is promptly giving everyone on my contacts list the verbal dressing down of their lives.

Instead of “My word, today has been hard, thank heavens I’m done” goes out something like this: “Oy work, today gas Ben hase, thank heavens I’m food.” It has even started making up words. “Hase,” really?

It does not like double letters and will do just about anything to avoid them, which is why Ben keeps popping up in many of my texts.

I also ask strange questions like, “When will you be good?” But what I really want to know is when someone will be home.

Love is loud. “Loud you!” Lovely. One of my favorites is “Pee you later!” Oh, please don’t…

As for “oy,” well, to be honest, I have absolutely no idea where the hell that came from. It will also shout it, “OY!” or make it proper, “Oy,” and if I hit the “next” button, it will STILL refuse to give me “my” instead it says “ow.” It used to say “my” on the second hit, but it keeps moving the word down the list.

I’ve only recently figured out how to add words to my dictionary, but what I’d REALLY like is to figure out how to delete words (or non words) from said phone. By the way, it isn’t really one of those smart phones, because that was way out of my price range, plus you need to have internet access with the phone and that was even MORE out of my budget.

So I got the one thing that does fit my money situation, and that’s how I ended up with an angry goblin who shouts at people and garbles my messages.



  1. I knew there was a reason I was avoiding texting. Now I know what it is. This is the phone I would have to get as well. And I am scared to think how it would translate my friends' messages. Oy.

  2. Fantastic post! Laughed so hard one of my resident smartasses came in and we had a dramatic reading of your phone woes. Sorry to hear your phone is an angry goblin (I always thought the guy from AC/DC sounded like an angry gnome... so I keep imagining your evil phone's messages in that voice... Weird. I know.) but glad you wrote about it.
    Bek (found you on the NaBloWriMo list and happy I did!)

  3. Oh dear heaven :D This is very, very familiar. I have a hate/hate relationship with my phone and it routinely sends utter gibberish whenever I try to write a text. And then sits there looking smug at me when I get puzzled messages back saying "Umm - are you using the Klingon dictionary?"

    How would I know? I can't use the thing. It mocks me. I hate it. It makes up words. That's my job.

  4. Hahaha. Goblin phone. Sounds like fun to me. LOL.

  5. If you have an iPhone there is a way to go in and turn off auto-correct for texting and emailing. I believe it is in the settings.

    tee hee hee, mine is the same way. Dumbass phone.


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