Monday, October 31, 2011

Cat Situation

This is not how I’d planned on ending my month of blog posts, but the event proved to be one that simply needed to be documented…and shared!

Late Sunday afternoon, I got a very strange phone call from Most Minor Minion. “Mom? Um, I have a cat situation and I’m not sure what to do about it.”
“Cat situation? Could you be a little more specific? Is one of them sick?”
“No, no one is sick, but they seem to have locked themselves in dad’s bathroom and I can’t get them out.”
“Locked themselves in the bathroom? How? Those locks are pretty easy to pick.”
“They didn’t lock-lock themselves in, somehow they got the door closed and the drawer got opened. I can’t open the door because the drawer is in the way. I’ve tried everything, but it won’t budge.”
“Maybe if you get them to play with something on the front of the drawer, they’ll push it closed for you.”

There was a long break while I listened to my son first try to entice the kitties to play with whatever toy he’d found to fit through a half-inch space, then admonish them for being stupid for not falling for the ruse. “I smell shit,” he said, picking up the phone.
“Dad doesn’t have a cat box in there, does he?”
“No, dad uses the toilet.”
“You behave or I’m gonna come up there and lock your ass in the bathroom.”

I tried explaining that the best way would be to take part of the door jamb off, but he didn’t understand what I meant. No amount of pointing or waving on my end of the phone line helped one little bit.

Darn kid.

Anyway, I finally decided it would be a good idea for me to come up there, since his dad wouldn’t be home for a few more hours and the man is not known for his handy-man skills (lordy, the poor dolt once removed the entire sink just to replace the faucet washer). I feared he’d just crash down the door, totally freaking the cats out and kissing his damage deposit good-bye.

The jamb was easily removed and I was appalled to see they didn’t use nails, they used glue to put it up there in the first place. Well, at least it would be easy enough to replace. Sheesh. Unfortunately, there is something wrong with the drawer glides and they don’t glide at all. If it had been working, it would have been a piece of cake to just stick a knife blade through the crack and inch the drawer closed.

But no. It is a sticky beast that no amount of knifework or swear words would budge. Figuring I had little to lose (after all, it’s not my apartment) I jammed the screwdriver in as far as it would go and finally made some progress. Moments later, the kitties were free to roam the apartment at their leisure. Of course, Most Minor Minion had attempted to entice the kitties to play with catnip, so they got as far as the spilled bag on the floor before they stopped and had a little “release” party.

Most Minor Minion went in and checked around for the source of the stink and found a lovely offering in the bathtub. Good boy cleaned it up. Bad mom wasn’t about to do that. I may like my ex husband, but not that much.

Before I left, I put the laundry hamper in the doorway so there would be no way for those two miscreants to re-enact their little bathroom debacle. Most Minor said he’d be down to visit later, so I waved good-bye and headed home.

When my youngest didn’t show up, I began to wonder if the cats had locked themselves in the laundry room and I’d have to go back up there and move heavy appliances through the closed door, using only a screwdriver. But you know, I could probably do it, because I am a mom, and moms tend to be kind of awesome in that way.


  1. cats better never think of that one! Bravo for saving the day!

  2. You know that the kitties plotted this little escapade just for the fun of seeing all the humans going crazy trying to get them out of the bathroom, don't you? And yes, us Moms are awesome-in every way!

    Sagacious Woman

  3. Bwahahahahahaha...

    This had me laughing so hard, I snorted & then Britt had to come see what I was reading. Which got her laughing so hard, our cats started looking at us strangely (again)...

    Way to go with Operation: Kitty Liberation. And thank you for not leaving it to two guys to figure out... those poor cats would've been stuck for who knows how long.

    Your son is obviously a bright boy, however, calling his mom instead of his dad to fix what the clever kitties had done. ^-^



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