...and thinking of friendships past...
Several years ago I had the opportunity to take a writing class where I met up with a couple of gals who became two of my dearest friends. We stuck with each other through thick and thin, hell and high water, rough drafts and publication.
Then something happened. One of us started to change and the change was not good. Things were said that hurt deeply and after a final, dismal, heartbreaking “writer’s retreat” the group split.
For a while I didn’t care and could honestly say I was glad she was no longer a part of “us” but lately I’ve been thinking how nice it would be to revisit those times, maybe find out what happened and see if bridges could be mended.
Doubtful, for I said things on the old blog that weren’t very nice (heartfelt at the time, but still not nice) and if she read them, I’m sure she has no intention of inviting me back into her life.
I suppose what I miss is the regular gathering of writers, sharing our words, supporting, and on more than one occasion, laughing so hard strangers walked up to our table and said they wanted to join in our fun.
Those are the times I miss. Especially when I’m going through pictures on my computer and come across ones I took while we were hanging out together.
Every so often I check her website, but there’s been no activity for over a year. It makes me sad, because her talent is great and I would love to know if she’s still writing.
I also know that by writing this, I’m breaking the biggest taboo she ever put on me, the one that probably destroyed our friendship. She forbade me to ever mention me on her blog, no matter how deeply I disguised her or how vague or indirect the mention. The problem was, she saw herself on my blog even when she wasn’t mentioned, even indirectly.
In that case, I’ve pretty much guaranteed that there will never be a chance at reconciling the friendship. It’s too bad, because it was a good one while it lasted.
I’m over my hurt and my anger, but not my curiosity.