Bonk! Bonk! Who's There?

 It was one of those mornings. Not for me, for Tammie. I was blissfully snoring the cobwebs off the ceiling, but the chihuahuas were restless and ready to get going. It was also the lovely hour of 04:30. Or maybe it was 05:00. Does it matter? I think not. I was asleep.

Tammie, on the other hand, had given up on all attempts at calming said doggos and hauled herself out of bed. She set Douglas-of-the-Wait-What-Are-You-Doing? on the floor, grabbed Teeny-of-the-small-bladder and headed for the front door. Douglas usually follows, because despite his reluctance to leave the warm bed, his bladder is also on the small side and as soon as he's awake, it's time to pee.

When she got to the front door, she wondered where Douglas was. There was no saucy-walking little prince hot on her heels. She looked around and asked, "Where's Douglas?" He licked her cheek from his position tucked tenderly in the crook of her arm.

"You're not Teeny," Tammie said, putting the little darling outside before going in search of the other tiny-bladdered beast. At the bedroom door, she could hear snuffling and snorting from underneath and gently swung the door open.

"Teeny?" she whispered into the dark room. Not that Teeny could hear her over the snoring from the bed, but that didn't daunt her from trying again. "Teeny?" As she stood in the darkened room, she could feel something bonking against the open door. Looking down at her feet, she saw nothing, so she peered behind the door. Lo and behold, there was Teeny, trapped between the door and wall, using her head like a curb-feeler as she tried finding her way out.

Bonk! Bonk! Bonk!

Mind you, this is NOT how the story was related to me later that morning. It took a very long time and was punctuated with many snorts, giggles, and long streaks of guffaws at the little dog's expense. It sounded something like this:

"I couldn't...hee hee hee...I couldn't...hee hee, hahahahaha, hoo boy! Anyway,...ok, ... hang on... hee hee hee *snort* I thought I had... ahhahahahahahaha! ohmygod Bonk! Bonk! BWAAAHAHAHAHA!..." and so on.

In other animal news, there are two kittens that were born under the neighbor's house. We made friends with the mother cat and a friend of ours managed to trap her and take her home. He got her to the vet where she was checked out and spayed, and now lives the life of a very pampered and well-loved house cat. The "babies," however, were still too skittish to join their mom (they were fully weaned and nearly as big as their momma when this went down), so Tammie has been doing her Snow White thing and drawing them into a sense of security. Foolish little things. But she's able to pet them both when she brings them gushy fuuds in the morning and evening. Seriously, those little feral goobers eat better than our own spoiled elder cats.

But this morning, I needed to take out the trash. I wasn't thinking when I opened the back door and was greeted with the alarming sound of something crashing and thumping around on the slick deck. Seconds later, one of the kittens managed to get down the ramp and give me the hairy eyeball of doom. Poor kitty had done a total Scooby-Doo, trying to run four ways at once when she realized it wasn't Tammie exiting the house.

Relating this story to Tammie, however, sounded nothing like what I've written here. It sounded a lot like, "wheeeze, holy shit! Did you hear that? wheeeze, giggle-snort, ohgawdI'mdying! Thump-thump-thumpity-thump, pahdump-pahdump-pahdump! hahahahahahaha! Scooby-Dooooo! hahahahaha..."

At least we're constantly working on our communication skills, although it's more like translating foley noises into speech.