All In A Day

 It was an exciting afternoon at Chez Chaos. My darling asked if I wanted to burn, and once I sorted out that she was referring to the burn pile and not punishment for some aberrant behavior on my part, I said, "Of course!"

While I was out there, I heard a noise that sets my teeth on edge. It was the sound of a baby bunny in distress. We have a cat that adopted us a while ago. She is very friendly and due to her incessant need to investigate vehicles, we suspect she was someone's pet that accidently hitched a ride to the beach and decided to stay. But she's a hunter. Despite being well-fed, she will not leave the wildlife alone.

Now, we don't mind if she goes after rodents, because damn, rodents. But she also goes after birbs and other delightful and entertaining critters and so far, we've not been able to get her to discern the difference between critters we like, and critters we'd like her to eliminate. She's not stupid, she's a cat.

So, when I heard the baby bunny SOS, I left my station at the burn barrel and went to see if there was anything I could do. My beloved was also outside and said, "she's heading your way with it." Fortunately, it was not in her mouth and I was able to distract the cat with a quick belly rub while the baby bunny dashed under my car.

What a stupid rabbit. It's not safe because the cat can fit under there, which is exactly what she did. Fortunately (at least for the bunny), we also have a storage pod on our property, which has space just big enough for baby bunnies to slip under but not cats or terriers.

Satisfied that all was well, I returned to my burning and my love went back into the house. 

My satisfaction was short-lived as I heard the familiar scream of terror. Looking on the other side of the pod, I saw the cat chasing the baby again. I was hollering for her to stop and for the baby to run faster and find cover. But baby bunnies are food, not geniuses and instead of heading for the lovely brush pile in the neighbor's yard, it headed for open ground. Once it reached the center of the yard, it stopped and hunkered down, pretending to be not-a-bunny. Maybe it was pretending to be a large turd, I don't know.

"Run, you stupid bunny! Run for cover! Kitty! Leave it alone! WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED???"

What did just happen, you might ask. Well, from out of nowhere, a red-tailed hawk swooped down and took off with the baby bunny, leaving both kitty and I stunned. Then I started laughing, because seriously, that damn rabbit was doomed from the start. Encouraging it to escape was like cheering for Golem.

My sweetie came out to see what was so damn funny and she gave me the oddest look when I told her. She doesn't always share my dark sense of humor. As we were standing there, we heard that damn distress call again and off she went, in search of a bunny to rescue. I remained at the barrel, as something inside had caught fire and it wasn't the cardboard box I had just thrown in. 

I looked up through the heat, smoke and rising ashes to see the love of my life coming around the corner of the house with A BABY BUNNY TUCKED INTO HER SWEATER! She was cooing at it, petting it, and wandering around the yard, looking for a safe place to set the baby down.

Of course I petted it, because there's NO saving throw when it comes to baby bunnies. Jeezoo, it was soft. It had snuggled down into the crook of her arm and allowed us to treat it like some tame creature instead of the wild thing it really is. So soft and tiny, and sweet, just snugged down looking so cute...

What? Where was I? Oh, yeah, so my soul mate proceeded to finish her portrayal of some animated theme-park princess and delivered the tiny bundle into the safety of "the stump" where many other denizens of the neighborhood like to hang out and hide from aerial attacks. In the mean time, the cat went across the way to the neighbor's yard where she'd spotted some deer.

It's going to be an interesting spring.