Out-of-Sorts

Tam is quitting her job come June. It’s been announced at the district, so I’m not breaking any taboo by mentioning it here. Originally, our plan had been to work the summer at the store, then come back here in the fall and work our asses off to pay down the loan.

But… there is a rather significant festival coming up in September that is a big one for the shop, and quite frankly, it’s more than one person can handle. Because of the earning potential, we decided it would be best if she stayed at the shop. She couldn’t do that if she kept her job here, so… yeah. She’s wanted out of that job for a long time, and I don’t blame her. The director is a thoughtless bitch who goes out of her way to insure Tam knows her place, and in the director’s eyes, Tam’s place is under her heel. No matter how great an idea may be, if it’s from Tam, the director will slap it down.

Then there is the heavy lifting, the burns from ovens and steamers, and the potential for falls because the floor is slippery and the custodian hasn’t replaced all the safety mats yet (we’ve only been in school since September). The job doesn’t attract younger people because the work is hard. Unfortunately, the way things are run, the older employees are being broken and worn down physically and emotionally.

No matter how you look at it, it is an unhealthy place to work and I’m so glad she’s leaving.

But I am out-of-sorts about it. She’ll be spending most of her time three hours away, and while I’m perfectly capable of accepting the situation, part of me is very jealous of the move. She’ll get to run the hat shop, her dream (mine, too). I get to go to a job that makes me very unhappy. In fact, I’ve been noticing that my job is making everyone unhappy because my frame of mind when I get home is pretty bad and it spills out over everything around me.

Not surprising after spending seven hours listening to 10-year-old boys call me “stupid, fat, fucking bitch,” or just “bitch,” or telling me to “shut the fuck up” or just threatening to kill me. Yeah… My job is awesome. At least no one has taken a serious swing at me for a couple weeks, so that’s good.

I’d love to walk away from it, but there is a large loan to pay off, and other things that need to be taken care of while I have a steady income, so I will remain where I am and hope it’s enough to make ends meet. Ok, it won’t be, but I’ll figure something out. It’s how dreams are moved into reality: hard work, sacrifice, and desire. I have all three lined up and ready to launch.